BEAUTIFUL BOY- A father's journey through his son's addiction

Finished Mo 9/12/16

This is a library book that was mentioned in Pete Townshend's autobiography, WHO I AM. When I found it on the shelf at the library I was shocked to notice that it was next to TWEAK, a book I own. Later I found that TWEAK is written by the author's son, Nic.

The family lives in Inverness, CA. Forty miles north of San Francisco, along the coast. Point Reyes Station is the town. Absolutely beautiful country!

A different look at Codependency. Usually it is taken to mean a person who facilitates another's addiction. Ex. I buy your booze, but you must drink it in the house (so that I can keep an eye on you). Or, When you call for rent money (or whatever) I pay up.
However, this Codependency is different. Will's son, Nic drug the whole family into his addiction, although they clearly allowed it- they thought it was for the overall good. They became part of the problem. The family was so drawn in, Will couldn't even think, feel, or react without first thinking of his son.
In the end, Will (and the family) learn to accept that in the end, it is Nic's life and they must learn to separate from him.

The only possible thing that Will could have done to effect Nic so badly was his divorce from Vicki. Will was a hippie in Berkeley and divorced when he was young. He later married an artist, Karen, and had two children, Jasper and Daisy- Two years apart in age. Of course, millions of young children have divorced parents and do not become addicts.

No easy answers or explanations, It Just Is.

Quote from Kurt Cobain's suicide note that I liked.

"I have a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function."

My take on what this means-
What can you do when you feel like this? Nothing.....It's like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Painful feelings can be good, but only if you can act on them. Sometimes the only sane 'action' is 'inaction' or to do nothing.

I was struck by how close Will was to his children, even Nic. They all listened to Good Music. Jasper and Will share a love for Beck's MIDNITE VULTURES. They surfed, went to beautiful areas of the country, went to the best art galleries and museums, and much more. Their lives seem textbook perfect, yet Will is convinced that 'something is missing'.

How about God? The family are not believers, but there are millions of addicts or all the religions both major and minor,

I would have loved to have had Will as a father, and I think that while reading the book, most people would agree. In spite of this, the book could be seen as Will's search for absolution from a mistake that he made that really didn't even exist.

That's probably the key message of the book. Addiction isn't really 'caused', it just is.

Considering how many millions of people are affected by the disease, it's shocking how little is known of the cause of the treatment. 'Having six kids is no guarantee of being a superior OB/GYN'. After an observation that many of the so called 'experts' only claim to the title is that they were addicts before they stopped using.

Van Morrison- SUMMERTIME IN ENGLAND from Common One

"It ain't Why Why Why.....It just Is"

This song could be the soundtrack for the entire book, or even the family's experience.